Love and Relationships

While love creates bonds among people, inter-dependence forces bond formation. Love and reliability are sources of faith and trust among one another.

All relationships seem to have a certain amount of selfishness embedded. A relationship with a person is similar to attachment to a pet or even an inanimate object. We get attached to others because we need a support structure to survive or we are looking for social company for good times. In our self centered existence, every person we are attached to needs to serve a selfish purpose. Since this is true for both sides in a relationship, their selfish purposes need to align with each other for a strong and long-lived bond. Unfortunately, we all usually get attached to transitory objects or beings, which wear-&-tear, break or grow, age and ultimately perish away. That’s the source of so many of our miseries.

I can count five major types of relationships: (1) that of peace and goodwill (ignorance): such as fellow commuters, fellow shoppers, etc. (2) that of loyalty and service: between a servant/employee and his/her master/ employer, (3) that of friendship and equality: among peers and siblings, (4) that of affection: between parents and their children and (5) that of love, possessiveness and transparency: between a lover and his/her beloved. Other types of relationships could be broadly classified as one of the above. For example, between a teacher and a student could be classified as an employer/employee or a parent/child relationship depending on whether the student is assisting the teacher in research and teaching or the teacher is simply guiding and helping the student with altruistic intentions. Likewise, relationships between business contacts or professional colleagues could be classified as friendship or an employer/employee relationship depending on whether they’re equals mutually benefiting from each other or one is obliged to or needs favors from another.

With birth we inherit our blood relationships. We don’t exercise a conscious selection procedure. But, we consciously select our employment, friends circle and partner. While our choice of employment or partner is almost always unique, there is no limit on the number of friends we may have. We choose from an open market and our search is for people we enjoy a certain degree of compatibility and level of comfort with. In case of our friends, we may also seek variety. In our choice of employment, every now and then, we may want change. Our current market valuation governs who we approach and who approaches us. Each search is customized for the set of skills, qualities, behaviors, achievements and possessions. Some seek resourcefulness, some humor, some an analytical mind, some a business network, some wealth, some attitude and some looks. Because our market valuation isn’t on a single index, we all manage to play our cards, and get by. We are all power players. We want our ‘active buddy list’ to always include our best picks. One’s search for employment is for the best combination of power, responsibility, compensation and perks one can find in the market. While, one searches for a partner with the ideal combination of social status, I.Q., both similar and complimentary nature and of course physical attraction.

Some bonds become sweeter and stronger even when destiny forces people to stay at distant locations hence limiting their contact. This is union in separation. It’s yearning for the other’s company that brings out the sweetness of the relationship. Weaker bonds fail to stand the test of time and distance. Once out sight, the person is out of mind. It is a relationship one could easily live without or find a replacement for.

Relationships are becoming weaker today than they have been in the past. Materialism is playing a greater role and carefully worded contracts are becoming more important. People believe they can simply pay to create, maintain and terminate relationships. Everything is acceptable as long it’s within the contractual agreement. Employers and employees terminate employment on short notices. Employers believe they have fulfilled their responsibilities by paying off the employees with a petty severance packages. While employers lack in responsibility, employees lack in loyalty. More marriages today are ending in divorce than ever before. As long as alimony (and child support, if applicable) is paid, neither side has any qualms. To avoid the legalities of a contractual binding, couples are experimenting living together without tying the nuptial knot, if it works out they signup for marriage, or else they move on to try someone else.

In our desire to ‘get a life’ we are having a lot of short-term, shallow and less meaningful relationships which cease to mentally, emotionally or spiritually uplift us. It’s all about having some fun or making a quick buck. Whether these relationships will help us in our time of need or will benefit our life as a whole is a question we need to ask.

Corruption

Power corrupts. Once in power, people find ways to stay in power. They bring in their own people, their relatives, friends, cronies, sycophants to hot seats around them. They create their own network. There is a power struggle between an organization and its leadership. If the organization is more powerful, the leadership is treated like a puppet, like some governments use their premiers. But if the leadership is more powerful than the organization, the leader uses the whole organization for his/her self interests, like some premiers treat their nations. People that stay too long in power, like still water, become stale and breed algae. Power tends to concentrate in few hands and lacks proper checks and balances. People outside the seats of power can also enjoy the taste of power, though. There is power in masses, in the number of voices and hands. Only can the masses responsibly monitor and police those in power to make sure they use it properly.

As nations develop, governments invest in infrastructure: transport like roads and railways, utilities, civil engineering and construction, even defense. Governments invite contractors to bid. Those who bid, tend to rely on bribes and threats to outdo their competitors to snatch contracts. While the big contractors promise great to bag contracts; the smaller, less capable contractors are sourced the work and they deliver little. These are large-scale undertakings awarded to a few big contractors, instead of possibly awarding many small-scale projects to communities as whole community undertakings. While the state resources are funneled, the regulators are misled when communicating cost assessments, schedules or the quality of results or are simply bought out or arm-twisted to keep shut. Regulators have little training or equipment to test (unit or system) and provide real-time feedback to the developers, so the developers could be held accountable for any mess caused by their deployment. Such projects need to be inspected and monitored by large and heterogeneous representation of the population whose lives will directly be affected by the infrastructure development; not those managing the project, they’ll move off to the next big opportunity when the project is over. There is a nexus of those in administration, those picking government contracts, the local mafia, and sometimes even the military. Part of the tax money signed off for nation building projects channels straight into their own pockets. The affluent are the real beneficiaries from these projects, be it dams or airports. While the affluent evade taxes and the poor have nothing to pay taxes with, the middle class pay all the taxes and fund such projects so the affluent can reap the fruits. Power concentrates among the few in affluence. The pie isn’t fully distributed when the project is delivered. Infrastructure needs maintenance, servicing and repairs; and contractors forge long-term relationships with the government operating on such recurring expenses. Infrastructure development is a lucrative opportunity for large contractors and, because of the volumes of cash flowing, is highly corruption prone.

With centralization and globalization, less and less people are enjoying more and more power. Those in power have the ability to make things happen; they control state machinery, have access to large coffers, and can fallback on muscles and guns. A more distributed and localized power assignment would empower communities to focus on their own agenda and not always be obligated to accept the fate the center decides for them. This comes at an expense, though, of being isolated from any big pictures the globe may be taking shape into. Though the center of power continuously shifts, the characters keep on changing, but power remains concentrated among few who rule the world. Because those in power are so remotely separated in geography and ideology from those they exercise power over, they’re definition of responsibility comes from a tainted world view while operating in their own small world. Social, cultural and environmental concerns are limited speeches to give a humane face to an otherwise robotic agenda. Globalization has given birth to corporations larger than many federal governments on the globe. There are war profiteering defense companies, oil and energy companies, and tobacco companies among others. Tobacco companies have made a mockery of a legal mandate by printing “cigarette smoking is injurious to health” on the very carton of cigarettes they so aggressively market and sell. In spite of the diseases and deaths caused by smoking, these large corporations are harbored by their home governments. Public policies are adapted to suit their interests. Drugs have no corporate ownership, so drug-trafficking is treated as a severe offense which nations like the US use as a reason for international policing.

Most of those inside the system or working for “the man”, share the corrupt values of the system. They are usually insensitive or have become desensitized to outcomes of their corrupt handlings. They are willing and happy beneficiaries of corruption. They agree and believe in the set of reasons floating around in the system that justify the righteousness of their actions. More important, they realize their existence, as is, can only proceed if they as a well behaved part of the system. They should quietly accept their portion of the bribes, identify opportunities of bribe collection, accordingly react to offers of bribes and after deducting their share distribute the rest in the system, or display their might and raw power to show who’s boss.

In the absence of a fair and just law and order enforcement and a transparent and effective tax collection mechanism, those outside the state manage to run their parallel administration and economy. The most notorious have the rule. The state operates in a less than civilized mode. Those less notorious find their aspirations for life and prosperity lie at the whims of the more notorious. Engaging in sports, arts, sciences, or even clean business is impossible in when those legitimately brought to govern the state, don’t have the power to. Citizens living in such states lack opportunities to life and live in the fear of being exploited by the notorious. The notorious have no fear, though, either of being humiliated by being caught in the public eye or of any legal repercussions.

In these complex equations, the victims are those who simply wanted to live a harmless unimportant life and die a peaceful death. They are ignorant and powerless, obviously outside the system, yet they must live in the same world. They always quietly pay up their taxes, yet one day they die when a government contracted cheaply constructed building fall under a mild earthquake.

I sincerely hope my life isn’t reduced to a disaster because of state corruption. I hope I never become a part of the system, it’ll probably hold me from gaining membership to the elitist club, but the moral and ethical burdens will be too heavy to live with. Though, if circumstantially, I end up inside, I hope I resist the temptations and withstand the threats of violence and end up in the coveted role of the daring whistleblower. Outside the system, I hope life proceeds without reaching utmost despair and frustration for the system; at which time I may reluctantly descend to drastic measures and take the law in my own hands. It’ll be nice if life passes without corruption making more than a few dents in it. I won’t mind, submitting to its trivial whims every now and them, if I can get away with minimal interaction with the corrupt powers. If it’s a revolution against corruption, it needs have an element of brotherhood, knowledge that it is big enough to receive public attention and guaranteed success in it; otherwise I am reluctant to make it my life goal. It seems, systems move with a certain momentum, and will always find new and improved means for corrupt practices. Activism will always have its role, but though it may thwart the fire at one place, the fire will continue growing elsewhere. I need to find a way out of the cycle of birth and death, which repeatedly brings me back to this world only to re-discover situation is even more depressing and frustrating than the last time I left it.