Main Joru ka Gulaam Banke Rahoonga

If you don't watch Bollywood enough, the title loosely translates to "I guarantee I will become my wife's slave". This is what Sh sang when I visited him in the Bay Area, maybe an year ago. He added a spank-his-behind-with-one-hand-and-ride-a-pony-with-the-other dance routine to it, and it all turned out fresh and hysterical. Yup, Sh has a way of expressing himself, blunt and to the point. Sh was back from a long distance trip he made to meet a chat-pal, to see if his hunch of a possible matrimonial alliance was true. Turned out the lady spoke the same language to all the guys she knew and wasn't quite ready for or was blissfully unaware of the implications of marriage. Signals misinterpreted.

The same song came to my mind last week after my own similar experience. Yup. But, in my case, the girl was smart, and she had an agenda: to get rid of me asap. Took a taxi to her work place to pick her up for lunch, she whisked us to a near-by pizzeria, and before you can ask "How was the pizza?", we were out and on our way back to drop her off at work. Somewhere between the 2 slices I chewed on, I asked, "I'm here to see if there is any possibility of this working out, but I guess you've already made up your mind?" Trying to make a point without sounding desperate or defensive. She smiled, retorted, "How many times have you done this?". "This?" I asked, "as in marriage-related meetings?". "Yes", she said. Innocently and sheepishly I replied "Once". "Really? Come on... you can tell me truth.", she said. I guess that's what it all reduced to. A competition on who had more such marriage-appointments! You win lady! Thankfully I met so many of my relatives after about an year, that the rest of the trip was worth it.

I'm sensing a shift in strategy now. No more Mr. Niceguy. Doesn't work. No need to woo the fairer sex with retarded jokes etc. I'm realigning my targets. In-laws. Yup, father and mother-in-law. They're who I should bargain with. Astrology will still be employed, but I'll have my charts matched against my prospective in-laws. And I'm going to quote a price too. Some quotes and negotiations later, I'll probably be zeroing in on my actual going rate. What better way to a happy contented life, than to find a home of rich in-laws and move in as the perfect ghar-jamai!